Self love pathway - Series Pt.6: Trust Thyself

Trust is at the core of every relationship we have, including the relationship with ourselves. Trusting ourselves isn't about making the right decisions every time, or knowing all the answers. Self-trust is high when we continue to speak kindly to ourselves even when we know that we aren't perfect. 

The more we build confidence and trust within ourselves, the less approval is required from others.

Within all of our healthy relationships and in order for there to be a high level of trust, safety must be present. Think of the person you trust the MOST in your life as an example: You are able to be your truest self without fear of judgement or criticism; there’s safety and therefore a high level of trust. The person you trust most is someone you can rely on to be there for you, they’re likely to take your thoughts and feelings seriously, validate your experiences and can also call you out on your BS when needed. 

Do you have this kind of safety and trust within the relationship with yourself? 

If not, its not too late to rebuild it. First, we must understand that we lost trust within because we’ve likely abandoned ourselves along the way. We abandon ourselves by not following through on our own promises, anytime there is misalignment in our words & actions, when we put others needs ahead of our own or lose our sense of who we are and what’s important to us (usually because we are trying to please others or fit in). 

On top of these, we are highly judgemental of ourselves, letting in self doubt and harsh criticism.  Slowly but surely, we lost trust in our ability to follow through, make decisions, take care of ourselves and our needs (or forget about our needs completely).

So how do we rebuild to trust ourselves again? 

Learn boundaries - not just putting them in place, but communicating and upholding them. If you’ve never set a boundary it can be challenging at first. You will feel cringe, scared, ridiculous even (just your inner critic feeling unsafe) so just start with something small with someone you feel safe with. 

Get really clear on what’s important to you and what you stand for. This will build confidence when confronted with decisions, enabling you to push past old fears & new external pressures that might go against your authentic truth. 

Follow through on what you say you’ll do. This is by far the quickest way to build self trust. Think about how you feel when you say you’ll start the diet, or workout more, or all the New Year’s resolutions you are pumped for on Jan 1st.. only to let yourself down again. Start small and be realistic, considering all aspects of the commitment before making it. If you’re unable to commit fully, that’s ok too, maybe it’s something you can do later down the track. Only commit if you can follow through - and be disciplined. Motivation is temporary.. discipline is what matters. 

Like anything, it takes practice. It takes fumbling through the first boundary that you try to communicate.

It takes resisting the urges to fall back into the same “easy” patterns where it feels safe rather than pushing through discomfort.

It takes understanding what self abandonment looks & feels like to you, in the moment and also knowing what the long term effects are. 

Remember to be gentle with yourself as you’re going through the uncomfortable process of learning to trust yourself again. Mistakes may happen and it’s ok  to fall down 7 times, get back up 8 times and keep going.