Healing Abandonment Wounding

Abandonment wounding is a deep emotional scar that affects how we connect with ourselves and others. Whether it stems from early childhood experiences like mine, traumatic relationships, or other significant life events, the wound of abandonment can shape every facet of our lives. The good news? With understanding and intentional healing, we can reclaim your sense of safety, love, and worthiness to shift the narratives that play out in our lives and relationships.

When I was 6 years old, my parents split up. I still remember the day we came home and my Dad’s ute was all packed up ready for him to move out. That was the day my abandonment wound was created. Of course, it wasn't my fault that he was leaving but to a 6 year old that doesn't really matter - all I knew was that Dad was leaving and it felt like he’d never come back. 

Abandonment wounding is the emotional and psychological pain caused by feeling unwanted, neglected, or left behind—whether physically, emotionally, or both. It creates a core fear of being alone or unworthy of connection, often leading to a heightened sensitivity to rejection.

This wound commonly originates in childhood but can also develop from experiences like the end of a significant relationship, death of a loved one, or betrayal by someone you deeply trusted.

To dive in a bit deeper - Abandonment wounding can come from:

1. Childhood Neglect or Absence

• Being physically or emotionally abandoned by caregivers.

• Experiencing inconsistent or conditional love.

• Growing up in unstable environments where emotional needs were unmet.

2. Relationship Trauma

• Sudden breakups or divorces.

• Betrayals that shattered trust.

• Toxic relationships where emotional withdrawal was used as a weapon.

3. Other Life Events

• Loss of a loved one through death or separation.

• Moving frequently, leading to feelings of instability

Abandonment wounds manifest across mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual realms:

From a mental perspective, abandonment wounding will cause overthinking,  fearing the worst in relationships, like more abandonment or betrayal. Self-Criticism will be at an all time high, where you will continue believing you’re not good enough for love or attention.

Emotionally, you will establish the beliefs like a deep Fear of Rejection, Feeling unworthy or anxious when relationships deepen. People-Pleasing tendencies will be activated and will have you sacrificing your needs to keep others close.

You may even experience emotional outbursts in anger or sadness triggered by perceived neglect.

Physically this can impact the body with chronic stress, tension or fatigue from emotional burnout. Sleep can be disrupted tied to worry or feelings of loneliness.

Spiritually you will feel disconnected from a sense of purpose, experience difficulty trusting in a higher power or universal love and overall feeling isolated or unsupported by life.

So how to we begin to heal the Abandonment wound?

Healing is a holistic process that integrates mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual practices. 

• Self-Awareness: Journal or reflect in your own way to identify triggers and limiting beliefs.

• Therapy/Healing: Work with a trauma-informed therapist or practitioner to unpack and release deep-rooted fears.

• Inner Child Work: Visualize and nurture your younger self, offering the love and care you needed then.

• Emotional Release & Nervous System Regulation: Cry it out - feel the emotions that have been bottled up, try tools like breathwork, or writing letters (that you don’t need to send) to help release suppressed feelings.

• Self-Compassion: Practice speaking to yourself with kindness and understanding. 

• Meditation: To help you to reconnect with a sense of inner peace and universal love.

As you rebuild your inner foundation, you’ll find yourself able to create secure relationships, trust yourself, and embody a sense of wholeness that no external validation can provide.

Remember: You are not alone in this journey. Seeking help is a sign of strength, and every small step toward self-love is a step toward freedom.