How to support someone in emotional pain

It can be difficult to know what to say or do for a loved one when you learn they are in deep emotional pain. Grief from the loss of a loved one or pet, abuse of any kind, a breakup, job loss or excessive stress and everything in between, knowing what’s “the right thing” to say or do can be challenging. Don’t let that deter you from being there!

Coming from my own personal experience with grief, loss & trauma (both personally & professionally), as well as witnessing family and friends go through their own pain, I’ve learnt a thing or two about how to do your best to be supportive in situations that are more sensitive. 

1. Remember it’s not about YOU. I was hesitant to tell my family and friends about my trauma because I was worried about how THEY would react and feel.. Remember that this could be your loved ones' first time sharing how they feel so try to remain neutral. Try your best to manage your own emotions, responding with love, care and compassion. 

   
   

2. Let them talk. If they want to share every detail, listen. If nothing at all, allow the emotion to  just be there and witness it with them. It takes A LOT for people to open up and if you have been chosen, just know it’s a blessing. 

   
   

3. Ask what they might need from you. Don’t jump straight into “fix it” mode. They may just want a shoulder to cry on or even just some space. Respect whatever they ask for - even if they don’t know what that is yet. 

   
   

4. Check in on them. Often. Even if they don’t answer the phone or respond, to know that people care has a HUGE impact. If you’re unsure of what to say, a simple “thinking of you” is enough.

   
   

5. Respect that there is no set timeline for trauma or grief recovery. Don’t assume anyone can or will “get over it” after 1 week, 1 month, 10 years. Some experiences are with us for life in some capacity.

   
   

Special mention*** If someone close to you has been through something that you know nothing about (abuse for example), it’s worth it to take the time to be educated on the topic. You don’t need to know everything, but to have enough awareness and empathy about someone’s experience can make a big difference in their ability (and willingness) to open up - which is an important part of the healing process. 

Hope this helps xx