How I learnt to Let it Go

In the simplest terms, there are experiences that we have every second of every day, and we decide that they are either “good” or “bad”. 

In the same way, the emotions we feel and the thoughts we have - we choose of they are good or bad and we label them as such. 

Anger for me was always seen as “bad”. In my mind and heart, I decided a long time ago that my being angry or expressing my anger meant that I was hurting other people, which would also hurt me deeply. 

As a healing practitioner, I'm often asked  “how do you let things go”? 

Most of the time, people asking this are referring to letting go of the situation, person or thing.. but what they’re really asking (or could be asking) is how do we let go of the “bad” and uncomfortable emotions or thoughts that we have attached to the person, situation or thing? 

For example: When you’re heartbroken, you want to let go of the heartbreak. The person involved just reminds you of the heartbreak. In a year from now, you won’t be bothered by the person but, the heartbreak you’ll remember. 

Firstly, when learning to let it go we must remember that the experience is just that - an experience. It is either happening right now or it has already happened. 

What we do as humans, is create attachments in the form of emotion & thoughts to these experiences which, if not let go of, can even be “triggered” again in the future.  

If the experience is over, why hold onto it? 

Some examples I’ve seen are - If your parents divorced when you were a kid, you could have similar emotional reactions or thought patterns as it related to divorce or separation for the rest of your life (if you do not let it go). The impact might be that you decide to never marry, have kids or date anyone for fear of the same outcome as your parents. 

Another example is if you have been in a car accident, it doesn't mean that the accident is happening over and over again every moment however, you can be triggered emotionally and mentally every time you get into a car, or even see a car! The impact over time might be that you stop driving completely.

Understandably there are things that are more challenging to let go of. Similar to the previous examples, big events can take more time and practice to release fully. 

As the victim of a sexual assault, I am aware that the event is not happening to me right now. It occured years ago however, I am still triggered any time i hear the words “sexual assault”, anytime i smell smoke (there were fires at the time of my assault), anytime i meet someone with his name or everytime I am alone in the dark.. The same feeling bubbles up. That same feeling I felt for months after. The sickening feeling in my stomach, the fear that felt like drums pounding in my chest. I feel it all. 

By reminding myself that it’s not happening now; right now I am safe and I can let the fear pass through, then I am able to let it go a little more. Triggers are far less intense or frequent. 

So, the answer to the earlier question - If the experience is over, why hold onto it? 

I’ll tell you: for whatever reason, You denied yourself the chance to experience it FULLY. 

Healthy emotion is present emotion. Once an emotion is felt fully, it can be released. This is where the work is - and it takes daily practice. 

Start small.. with the driver in front of you who is “Sunday driving” on a Tuesday when you’re already running late. 

Feel the frustration, and let it go. 

We can’t control every situation, and we for sure as heck cannot control other people but, we can control our own ability to continue to practice in every moment to let things go. 

• This work is inspired by the Author or The untethered soul- Michael A Singer. 

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