Emotional Regulation Part 2: The power of Co-regulation

Co-regulation is the process of using emotional connection with others to help regulate emotions. It’s especially crucial for babies and children, but it’s also powerful for adults.

As humans, we are wired for connection. When we share emotions with a trusted person, it soothes the nervous system and helps us feel seen, understood, and supported. It's been a blessing to watch how co-regulation is positively influencing my daughters abilities to independently regulate her emotions. The power is in the safety - without it, co-regulation is impossible.

Remember when the only thing that can fix the world and all its problems is a mothers hug? Or when your best friend just knows that something is wrong and so offers a listening ear? These are prime examples of an emotionally supportive and validating experience for someone to return to homeostasis. 

In this part, I share 5 techniques that I’ve learnt that have helped me co-regulate and to be a safe person for others to co-regulate.

1. A hug, holding hands, or gentle touch - Physical touch releases oxytocin, the “bonding hormone,” which promotes feelings of safety and relaxation.

2. Actively listen by being fully present, maintaining eye contact, and acknowledging the other person’s feelings without judgment. Feeling heard helps diffuse emotional tension and fosters trust.

3. Mirroring emotions is validating someone’s emotions by acknowledging them (“I see you’re upset, and that’s okay”). This technique helps people feel understood and supported.

4. Participate in shared activities like going for a walk, practicing yoga, or cooking a meal. Shared experiences create a sense of connection and mutual regulation.

5. Staying calm and centered when someone else is upset. By modeling calm energy, this can help regulate the emotions of others, creating a ripple effect.

The key to this is to practice self awareness by regularly checking in with your emotions. Name what you’re feeling and be curious to understand why, with compassion.

Cultivate a mind-body connection practice by spending a few minutes daily focusing on your breath, sensations, or surroundings.

Strengthen your own support system by nurturing the relationships with people who provide emotional safety and encourage growth.

Therapy, coaching, or emotional healing practices can help deepen your emotional regulation skills and can also be a great starting point to learn co-regulation. 

Finally, celebrate any and all progress! Acknowledge even the small victories, like responding calmly to a triggering situation. 

Developing emotional regulation is a journey that requires patience and practice. Not only will this serve your own nervous system, but you become a safe space for your loved ones - and there is no greater gift in this world.